1st Ever Glorious Ruin “Excellence in Design” Award

Leave it to Slurpee to draw me out of my blog slumber.

First, some history.  One of my fond memories of playing baseball my senior year of high school were the post practice slurpees.  There was a 7-11 across the street from our home field so I stopped pretty regularly, scraping together $1.08 for a large slurpee with tax.  Baseball followed by Hawaiian Snow Slurpee was a beautiful partnership.

Last week, my friend David Morgan recently returned from Orange County sporting an aluminum slurpee straw.  I saw it and was dazzled by the aesthetics and novelty.  I was resigned, however, to this being a purely West Coast cool type of thing that I would never get my hands on personally.  Until last night.  Sarah and I stopped to get gas after Breakthrough.  Upon realizing we stopped at a 7-11, slurpees were in order.  Sarah walked in to buy the cups of frosty goodness but as I pumped the gas she came back out of the store to announce “They have the metal straw!.”  Quickly, I decided the $.99 was worth the aforementioned novelty.  However, as I began using the straw I soon realized I had stumbled upon something far greater than mere aesthetics.

So I present this award to you, Metal Slurpee Straw Designer.  The reasons for your big win are outlined below:

  • Aesthetics – as mentioned above, this thing is attractive
  • Simplicity – When I was four years old I could extrude straws out of playdough.  This thing had to cost $.02 to make.  When you can solve such an important problem as slurpee sippage with something this simple, you deserve a hand.
  • Functionality/User Experience – This is what pushes the metal straw over the top.  When you slurp the slurpee thru the straw it frosts the straw so your entire slurpee experience occurs at optimal slurpee frigidness.  I’m not a good enough writer to explain how great it is.  But for those who know my amazing wife, you know that she doesn’t drink after people, especially using other people’s straws.  I, her husband, am included in “people,” except on very rare occasions when we’re stranded in the desert with broken hands and 1 cup between us.  Last night, as I raved about the metal straw experience, she voluntarily took a drink from my straw and was so blown away there was not a single comment or hesitation about the fact that my lips had used the straw previously.

In my research for this post I stumbled upon some others who are impressed by the aluminum straw.  They expressed some valid drawbacks to the straw but I find these negligible in comparison to the overall greatness of Metal Slurpee Straw.

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12 Comments

  1. You had me laughing. Can I just say you rock.

  2. Awesome.. your comments are so much better than mine were about this straw. Perhaps because I have not experienced the full Slurpee adventure, I just bought the straw drink. Some days I’m creative and some days I’m not. Thanks for the link!

  3. Sooo funny you are amazed by the new metal slurpee straw. Howerver, did you know that crack heads buy this straw as the perfect crack smoking stem. It used to be the glass rose and the glass pen. I guess thumbs up to 7/11 for making a metal straw that says age 12 and up on it and marketing a crack stem that is so well disguise to kids. What a way to promote smoking crack to minors so easily and brilliant. What is really happening to this world. You dont even have to fork over the extra money for the slurpee as the straw is sold stand alone for 99 cents. How convient since 7/11 is all over and open 24/7 so no need to have to go to the auto parts store in such of a tire guage as this straw even works way better and can be cut in half. This way you can sell half the straw to another pheen for 99 cents and your stem is free.

    • Thanks for the heads up. Though I don’t believe 7/11 is culpable here. There are many things that are abused and misused. This doesn’t make the things in themselves evil or mean that they should not be available because of that.

    • @ Billy Bob – you must be SO liberal…or so conservative, I’m not sure which is the bigger fool. Anyway, that attitude is the very epitome of “blame the object, not the person doing the (illegal) action WITH the object”. Never hold a person responsible for their own actions. Sad.

      I bought 6 of those straws, I intend to use them in Model Railroading as a specialized pipe load. I thought they were SO cool, and in reality, they GET cool, too. Quickee brain freeze! LOL. I may buy more. Maybe add a cigarette holder to the ends and sell them on Ebay for $10 each. 😀 The mind has no limits on imagination. So far, though, I’ve only found one 7-11 that sells them in my region, I”m sure more will. I’ll keep my eyes peeled. I DID notice one bad thing, when I was cleaning the inside along the openings, the anodization was coming off on the paper towel! Yikes, was I ingesting any of that ?! I think it was just loose material, and I had to wipe it to get it off, just running liquid through it wouldn’t produce any stain. So hopefully that’s not a health issue, because I think they’re neat.

      Oh, yeah, I thought up some new uses for them :

      -Wind chime tubes, cut to length

      -earrings for women

      – blow dart tube ( start a NEW bar game, instead of regular darts, blow darts! nothing like a bunch of drunks with a deadly new toy )

      – spit ball gun for juvenile boys ( I can see teachers having DRAWERS full of these things in 2 and 3 grades )

      – DIY flashlight ( batteries not included, nor lense, bulb , wiring, etc. )

      Ok, I’m done, had my fun, now to make a slurpee straw gun….

  4. Marvelous! I can only see danger here. With the plastic straws, if someone trips and falls they will only get a nasty scrape on the roof of their mouth. If someone falls with this straw it will go through the back of their head!

    Very cool writeup sir.

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  8. Well, good news people. There is a more positive use for metal slurpee straws than for smoking crack! I discovered that with a dremal or a very very sharp blade and some sand paper, I cut them either in 1/2 or in 3 or 4 pieces to use for making wind chimes! They are perfect! You can either sand them (to get rid of the logo) or paint them, but I find that in sanding them it makes a much nicer, lighter sound. Hope someone else finds this info useful AND fun.

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